Is incest normal???

I am currently watching a series called Billy and Billie, its quite weird as it centers around a step sibling couple. They try their best to show us how in love they are and yet they were raised together when their parents found love.

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They were in their preteen years. Well call me old fashioned but i dont think thats normal.  They both call their parents ‘mum and ‘dad’ while they both harboured sexual feeling for each other. That is some weirdo shit. Then i also watched a British show called ‘Him’ which is also circling around that plot. The mother remarrys and her new husband has a daughter about the same age as her son. Like any normal hormone raging boy, he develops a crush on her.
Cant help but think of my own situation.  i am currently about to have a child on my own. The inevitable will definitely happen where  myself and/or my babys father will move on. I will get an amazing man. Mature and responsible, confident enough to love me and my child.
However, what if he has a child of his own? What if they are close in age? What if they develop a crush on each other?? 😷

Then i begun telling myself, well, i just have to make sure he doesnt have any children. But is this fair to him? I already have a small selection of men to pick from and now one who wont have any strings attached??! Is it fair that i expect to be loved with my child but i cannot accept one who has one?

Well, being a parent as i learn each day is definitely riddles with many  dilemmas, questions and sacrifices.

Do you know of any step sibling couples? Are you in one?  Do you think it is normal for step siblings to find love? Share your thoughts.

Week 18

I am starting to feel you more and more everyday.
I have told my immediate family members and they are excited as ever to meet you
Curious to know your sex 😜

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I have begun taking vitamins and i hope this will only help you get bigger and stronger
I want to make sure to stay fit so as to make sure you get out as fast as possible (make it easier for both of us)
I get excited to feel u move everyday
You move alot especially when am driving on a bumpy road, do you think am playing with you 😜

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I hope i will be able to make your life worth it
Coz life is amazing as long as you make the right decisions.

 

The End

I met him while our eyes were innocent
We kissed while our lips were still plump
We hugged when our arms were so strong
And we laughed like none could do wrong

But soon the excitement faded
The good times felt bleak
Love became downgraded
No longer something i wanted to seek

His words changed in tone
And his eyes darker by the day
He received more attention than he had known
And he loved it in every way

The smiles and memories all seemed ro fade away
The love we once had became so distant
And just like the times we live in now,
We were facing the end.

Now i loathe all the time wasted on something that wasn’t taken seriously
I cry for my wounded heart
And i pray for guidance on this new path

I had forgotten how it feels to be alone
Relying on somebody else for my own happiness
Though come to think of it
I couldve been alone all along…

Letter to my Baby Daddy

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When you closed off your heart to me, you ended our relationship so casually and so callously. In the time since, my hours have been consumed trying to separate the you I knew, or thought I knew, with the decision you took to close the door on myself and our unborn child so decidedly. I wonder what you meant the countless times you spoke of ‘values and principles’. Are these just words you heard on tv and thought wow, this are the best words to woo a girl. And with them, woo me u did. I valued those words when you said them to me, i believed you were right for me, the right companion through thick and thin. And as days turned into months, and months into years, i believed you trusted me as much as i did you, and you valued me in your life.

When i look back at your behavior,  i realize i was trying to stay in love with a man who was busy falling out of love. I wish you wouldve let me know, then i wouldn’t be in the situation i find myself in. I thought u cared for me genuinely. I asumed you thought of our future together and would want to protect that vision. But it seems i was jus an experiment,  a conquest for u to cross off your list as you move on. I always believed a real relationship sprung from history and devotion. But now seems your devotion is to a life you built behind my back.

I don’t know the what led you here, the thought processes meandering through your head like tributaries to the ocean, all taking us to this final fact: your apathy.  I won’t know if you lay awake in the small hours justifying your decision to yourself. My own thoughts have taken me to a more rational understanding that, for the majority, the necessity of making such a decision will happen only once in your life, if at all. If you choose to absolve yourself of all knowledge of me behind your emotional laziness, i cannot force u. The man who said would be my companion but now treats me like a burden of a woman with a even bigger problem growing in her belly.

Having consulted my own male friends, many of whom are fathers themselves, I take some level of comfort in knowing that they understand your behaviour but cannot justify it. Which leads me to my next question: what do your own friends think? Do you think I put this on myself? Does the fact that your close relatives are coparenting make you dismiss the idea of giving us a try?  is it pride that snatched you away from me or pure meanness? Was i so blind to the fact that you didnt care for me? So dumb that i gave my body over and over again to someone who didnt appreciate it at all?

You complained to me how i made you cry, once!  As if your tears are never to be shed, they must be packed in their ducts until death. Well, you may be glad to know that i cry almost every day. People may like to think its hormones but i know what it is. Hurt, anger, sadness and mostly betrayal. Such intense emotions i never thought you would let linger in my heart. So deep that they scare me, but I believe they act as a protection for me.

Time and again your face swims to the fore of my mind and floors me. What are you doing and who are you with? I wonder if you’re with another woman now, someone who will know nothing of me and your baby and the history we have shared. Are you rolling over in bed, sleepily snuggling close to her whilst, down the road, I lie awake, alone, with our baby kicking so furiously into my soft belly. Does she know just how quickly you dismiss your heart and everything that goes on in it?

Now that we arent together i still want you to check on me from time to time. I want you to know and to understand the reality of life for me now that i have a growing belly. The look of worry and sadness my mother gives me as she knows how hard this journey will be for me alone. The hurt I feel in my heart when she asks me if you have called to check up on how i am doing and the baby and i must respond with a painful no. The knowing glances from the midwives on clinic visits, now that you’ve forcibly put me into that stigmatised bracket, the hated demographic of ‘the single mother.’ Those boxes on the forms I never thought I’d have to tick, the debate as to whether I will put you on the birth certificate.

I know you will never receive the bitter, biting comments that I do, the blunt inference of promiscuity and irresponsibility. Though I know it’s not your fault, that it’s indicative of society’s ingrained perceptions of women and sexuality , I wonder, if the tables were turned, if I walked away from my baby after birth to leave you picking up the pieces of my selfishness and flagrant disregard for others, a mewling baby in tow, would you be treated the same? Would your aunties raise their unkind eyebrows at your irresponsibility? Would your friends mutter slyly to each other that perhaps you should have used a condom? I suspect that you would be lauded a hero, a magnanimous human being who took on the responsibility of parenting alone with no complaint.

Most of all, though, I think about the impact of your choice on the life of our baby. I worry endlessly about the space you will leave behind, what your absence will create in this child and what it will take away. The thought of our son or daughter, aged five, asking where daddy is and why doesn’t he come to watch the swimming gala, haunts me daily. That when I think of how her history, her sense of belonging and her identity will only ever be half sketched I’m filled with a level of rage towards you that I never thought possible in meek, mild me. The wonderful, human parts of you, your patient, gentle kindness loyalty like when you massaged my back when i had painful cramps or always showed up for me to pick or drop me from somewhere. Will my parenting, my character, and the fierce love I already feel for this child, ever compensate for the bits they wont be able to take from the beautiful parts of you?

I want you to know that your absence is felt even though you think because the baby isnt here your not already a father. That I will do this because I have to and based on my principles, i couldn’t kill our child conceived out of love. But it hurts to know you are so close, yet so far. Always so quick to dismiss me when only a few months ago i couldn’t sleep without telling you good night. Now as you weigh your options in your burdened world, I am empowered by how i feel. I am proud to be a woman and wouldn’t trade these flutters in my tummy for anything.

My conscience is clean, how is yours?

My Weekend In Nanyuki

The weekend of 11th – 13th  Decemeber 2015 was completely awesome. I turned 26 and to mark this major turn in my life, I decided to head for Nanyuki with my boyfriend.

We had the whole weekend planned to stay in a hotel named Leisure Gardens, all thanks to this amazing site we discovered Jovago. (This site is amazing, you can search the location you want to go an it has various hotels. Even better is that there is a discount for first time users:)

I got out work abit early on Friday so as to be able to hit the road and make it in time. Nanyuki is about 3 hours drive from Nairobi so together with Chebet (the name my boyfriend named his Subaru WRX) we were on our way!

 

The festive season is just about to begin so the police checks on the way are numerous. The fact that we were in a flashy Subaru dint help us either. We spend about three hundred shillings paying police men who requested to get something for ‘sikukuu’. It was outright bullying, however, that’s just how life is when you live in a corruption driven country.

We finally arrived at our destination at around 7 pm. We arrived and got into our hut. I name it that as it was exactly like a hut, everything in one room, and i mean everything!! This was going to be the weekend where there would be no more secrets between my boyfriend and I.

After unpacking, we headed to the restaurant and had some dinner and drinks.The next morning we were read to go around the town. After our breakfast, we headed out.

One of the coolest spots you must stop by is Sportsmans Arms. They have the discoteque, restaurant and pool. All the things you need to enjoy yourself in Kenya.

Here we had quite a number of drinks, and had a great time. It was quite hilarious to note that we blacked out at midnight! Age is really catching up with me! If it was 5 years ago, we would’ve partied till the break of dawn!!

On Sunday, we had our breakfast and enjoyed playing some pool and hiking in Leisure Gardens and after that hit the road back home.

I would like to thank Tim for an amazing weekend and Jovago, none of it would have been possible without your awesome offers.

 

 

Westgate attack : Until we meet again

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It is with complete sadness and regret that I write this post today. My wonderful, developing country of Kenya has been set back drastically by the disgusting Westgate Mall attack that happened over the last weekend. It was like a movie scene as the terrorists entered and killed over 60 innocent civilians and injured over 200.

This is the worst hit our country has faced since the bomb blast in 1998  but at least that ended immediately. In this case these guys have taken an unknown number of hostages and sporadically shooting out their issues. So unlike the movies we watch with a happy ending, these are serious killers with no fear of death.

The most terrifying thing of all was that I was supposed to be at the mall. My job had an activation there to promote our online shopping site (this should be the best bet for us since no more malls! www.jumia.co.ke )however I had opted not to go. I don’t even think my family can deal with another Kenyan terrorist attack like the one we faced last year that my sister was involved in.  Although  my fellow workmates were there and had to experience the nightmare.

It sends chills down my spine to know what could have happened had I been there. Just one decision in your life can kill you or save you. My friends opted to hide under the table which was the best option because all the people around them were shot dead. My other colleague was shot twice and left for dead. However, the bullets didn’t hit any major organs and so he had to pretend he was dead for four hours! Can you believe lying amongst dead people on the cold floor as you slowly loose blood? The attackers would walk by as he bled in a pool of corpses.

With all the various horror stories flooding our media and heads, so many questions come up. What really happened to the hostages? When will there next attack be? Will this ever end?

I send my hearts out to all the families affected. You will be comforted through this and have faith your loved one is asleep in peace ready to be awoken one day.

Kenyan music videos moving ahead!!

This video is called ‘kipepeo’ which means butterfly in Swahili. The artist is saying how he feels like a butterfly every time he is with his lady love. That he doesn’t walk, but he flies like a butterfly. Yeah i know, quite a cliche song but the reason why i am posting it, is because of the quality of the video. Upon seeing it the first time, I didn’t think it was Kenyan.  I love how they show the streets of Nairobi in a real positive and attractive light.

I think African (Kenyan because Nigerians are already ahead of us) music video quality is really moving ahead.
Good job!